Struggle.

Well folks. First i want to apologize for the gap since the last post. I’ve been in a funk and also trying to get stuff accomplished.  Which has half worked out ok haha.  So the topic of this post is struggle. For anyone that knows me. I don’t tend to show my feelings very much. I am always worried about others and helping those that need my help. But every now and then. Everything has bottled up for so long that it just needs an escape. If any of you are on my face book you would have seen this last night. 
About a year or so ago i made the biggest mistake of my life. And became someone i never wanted to be and i still do not know how or why i let it happen. I   hurt my best friend, my wife. And my kids in a way that is unexplainable.(not physical). Which in turn made it so we gave up our home. My wife moved back to her parents home 2 hours away from me. And i get to sleep on my mothers living room floor. Literally. My wife has our only vehicle and i only get to seem them when it works with everyone schedule so i can get a ride there.  I had to quit my job at that time due to the incident and am now working very part time for my mother. This money is barely covering our very few bills. Car, cell phone, insurance and storage. My wife and i are still making our marriage work (thank God she did not give up on me, though she had every right too). We are constantly looking for more work and a place to live so we can be back together but unfortunately every apartment want 3 months worth of rent  and have high rents. And with the little money we have trickling in, its impossible.  As you all know. I am not someone to ask for help ever.  I don’t say no to it but i don’t ask for it either.  So i took a leap of faith and started a gofundme page in hopes of getting some minor donations to help us get back on our feet.  This was a huge mistake and has gotten me no were.

This next topic is harsh but i want to make sure to say that this is not meant toward everyone reading it. Some have actually helped us. 
All through life I have always been the one to Help everyone in sight. When ever someone was moving i was always there to help. When family needed something i was there.  Needed help fixing something. I was always right there. I would drop everything and go assist whoever needed it. Even if i had no idea what to do or was fearful of the task. I would jump and do it anyways.  Its just who i am.  So it is very disturbing to me that so many of the same people i have helped many times in life. Completely ignore. My needs for help. Or even just an ear or eyes to read or hear what i have to say.  When the stuff with my wife and i cane to a head everyone was yelling “if you heed help just let me know” and all that but guess what. I asked for help and not many would even acknowledge my words.  Again there are some that have helped me the best they  could and i am very thankful for these people.  And the ones that have helped are the same ones that  are also going through a tough life with not much to give. But they give all they can.  These are true heros to me.  Thank you to those who do care and listen and help. Even if its a simple lending of a tool or offer to lend a tool. More then i can say for the majority of those that i have helped all through out life.

I know i will hear all kinds of drama about this post and people will have there opinions on every part of it. But guess what. Its my blog and my rant and i really don’t care if the person does not like it.  If they are getting the wrong message then those are the ones that are guilty of my points.
Stay safe and thank you for reading.

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